BALI GIGOLOS and TWISTED VILLAGE BELIEFS

[ NOTE: SORRY, NO PHOTOS DUE TO REQUEST OF BEACH BOYS]

It has happened in a few instances in the general Amed area that a European woman has come here, fallen in love with one of the gorgeous local boys, married him, and then either opened a resort here or taken the fresh new hubbie back to Europe with her. These cases have lead to a very bizarre and twisted view on relationships with western women, spawning a generation of super-buffed, tan and gorgeous young beachboy ‘gigolos’ prowling the beach for their future western brides.

These Amed area beachboys actually come from local fishing families. Some of them were former fishermen themselves who have learned a bit of English, or French, and have abandoned their fishing boats in favor of hunting western women on the hopes of improving their lives via sex and/or marriage. I guess I can’t blame them for wanting to escape poverty and a life of heavy physical work on the sea and fields, especially when they’re constantly exposed to much more affluent tourists passing through, staying at the local boutique resorts and spending money on diving, eating, sailing and snorkeling. Exposure to these tourists really emphasizes their own local poverty. I guess I have to give them credit for at least dreaming to improve their lot in the world.

Of course, it would seem more normal, more worthy to attempt that by finding a new job, learning a new skill, shifting into a new profession rather than by ‘gold digging’, ‘hopping on the backs’ of women tourists to rise up in the world. In Amed there are, after all, several boutique resorts, restaurants, dive shops and other businesses here employing local staff. So, there are, in fact, many locals who hold steady jobs at these places. Certainly not all Amed residents are scrambling to find a western bride!

But there also exists a fairly large group of young men whose sole tactic for moving up in the world is to capture a western woman and ‘piggy back’ her to a better life. Only guys able to master English- or perhaps French- to a reasonable conversational level have a chance at this tactic. Probably this is the main reason most of the local fishermen stick to fishing and farming. They just don’t speak any English. But those who do set about on a daily basis trying to meet tourists to rent them snorkels; arrange sailing or hiking trips or transport to other parts of Bali; direct them to various dive shops to gain some commission and so on. Their secret hope, and alterior motive, though, is to find their western bride who will rocket them to wealth and glamour.

These guys do put some effort into luring women: They’ve made weight-lifting equipment: bench presses and dumbells of cement, which they pump religiously so that their bodies are buffed, ripped, solid masses of muscle, the likes of which you generally see in body building magazines! They also jog regularly on the beach at sunset, keeping themselves super lean machines. It’s pretty bizarre to arrive at little tiny beach fishing village, over on the outer edge of the world in remote NE Bali to find, who ? Lean, tan, hugely muscled local boys!! WHAT?! I have to admit they do look amazing, especially with their gorgeous faces and winning smiles. WOW!

Too bad that’s the extent of their charms and talents. They look good, but that’s about it! They aren’t educated, never read, never learn or study. Forget about intelligent conversations. Forget, also, about fantastic love-making: They really don’t even have the concept of ‘pleasing a woman in bed’! Jump to intercourse as quickly as possible and sustain yourself as long as possible is their understanding of sex. Great for men, perhaps, but certainly not what a woman wants in bed!!

It’s a little hard to believe, but these beachboys really believe that if they ‘service’ a woman in bed (badly, unbeknown to them) that the woman owes him… should buy him things! Beer for starters, meals, cigarettes. But what they really want a woman to do is buy them a motorcycle, land and a house. I’m not joking here. Here are 3 real life conversations I’ve had with local guys:

1. One evening I was sitting around chatting with a few local guys. As usual, the subjects of sex and female tourists came up. One gorgeous young guy, 23, told me, “I want to marry a woman who will buy me a motorcycle, land and a house.” When I pried him for his future bride’s qualifications, he told me, “I don’t care about her age. She can be from 20 to 60.” He also didn’t care what she looked like. Other things like character, interests, profession, hobbies, etc never even came up. The sole qualification was that the woman buy him land, house and motorbike. A bit later he laughed and said he was joking, but I’ve known him long enough to know he’s quite serious and has been getting involved with western women for years.

2. Last year I spent one night with one of the beachboys. once. one night- well, not even a night, about 2 hours… Ever since then, and that was a year ago, he and his friends occassionally try demanding that I buy him beer. cigarettes. meals. And I don’t mean asking politely, but telling me to buy him stuff ?!*^%*&$!? Excuse me? They seriously believe I owe him for his two hours in bed. (which, to be honest, consisted of him laying back on the bed and waiting for me to do everything. gee, fun, thanks)

3. This year, the guy I got involved with also started our romance off almost immediately- on the second night- by begging me to buy him a motorbike! He actually said, just after sex, “Oh, Lash, whew, ahh, I’m soo tired. Wow- 2 hours of sex. You buy me motorbike!” Honestly, that bluntly. Well! At least I knew, quite clearly, what he was after. I certainly wasn’t going for any of that. I looked at him as if he were crazy, and asked him if he was a prostitute. That opened his eyes! A rather long ‘discussion’ ensued (attempted persuasion in fact) in which he tried his best to convince me to buy him a bike- for his 2 hours of ‘servicing’ (pretty goddam expensive screw!) to which I continued telling him he was crazy, was acting like a prostitute, and that I never paid for sex. I also pointed out that he was the lucky one, getting to sleep with a beautiful white western woman. He eventually shut up. And, for me, that was the end of that romance. Short and sweet: 3 days. What had I been thinking, there in Amed?!
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Back to general life in Amed:

When there aren’t any tourists around and, thus, no hope of making some money for the day, how do these guys spend their abundant free time? Improving their English? no. Learning a new skill, vocation, educating themselves? no. They sit around engaging in 1 of 3 favored activities: chatting. sleeping. drinking. Many an afternoon you can find them plastered drunk somewhere in the village… oh, and of course, body- building and jogging on the beach at sunset.

I haven’t pointed out yet, but about half these ‘gigolos’ are married to local girls and have children. Of course they never divulge that information to the occassional single girls who arrive in Amed. And, in fact, they often remind me not to tell the new girls that they are married, usually along the lines of, “Lash, if you tell her I’m married I’ll kill you.” Nice.

And here we come to yet another bizarre mentality. Not surprisingly, some of these guys’ wives get very very upset if their husband is out chasing western girls. However, not all of them. Actually, according to the Balinese Hinduism here, men are allowed to have 2 wives. If they can afford her. In fact, I know of one wealthy local man who does, in fact, have 2 Balinese wives. They all live together. The first wife, her 2 kids, the second whiter younger wife, and her son. In fact, despite the first wife being sporadically beside herself about the husband’s second marriage, she generally takes care of the second wife’s son as if he were her own!

Ok, so there’s a cultural background allowing men having 2 wives. How the wives feel about this seems to vary greatly from wife to wife. I know one guy who’s wife would go stark wild crazy should he ever sleep with another woman. He behaves himself- after making the mistake once and finding it not worthwhile. On the other hand, I know wives who are perfectly happy to share their husband with another woman. And this I’ve been told by the wives themselves. Case in point:

Last year I went out dancing regularly to the live music nights in the Amed area. One local guy is an exceptionally good, and sexy, dancer. Since I’ve been a dance maniac my entire life I was naturally impressed with his dancing. Before long we started having great dancing sessions together at every live night. Good fun. Now I knew this guy was married. In fact, at 35 he was already a grandfather. His daughter, 16, being married to my colleague at the dive shop.

So I had no intention of getting sexually involved with this guy. Pretty soon, on live music nights he was picking me up by motorbike and taking me out. We’d dance up a storm, he’d take me home, drop me off and go home… It wasn’t too much later that I finally met his wife in the village. She greeted me warmly, “Hi Lash! How are you?” When I realized she was the wife I told her that her husband was a great dancer and that he’d been taking me out dancing. I hoped that was ok, She not only told me it was ok, she encouraged me to go out with him more! Oh, ok. So I did…

Within a couple weeks, she was telling me, with big smiles, that it was fine for her husband to have a girlfriend. And that he liked me. She told me, “50% for me. 50% for you” !?! Now I’ve always thought I was very open-minded about relationships and sex, but this was pretty much a head fuck! Whew…. Before long, both of them were suggesting I marry him and move in to their family compound! Eh??? Needless to say, I did not take them up on the offer.
I’ve since been told that generally it seems to be ok with wives if their husband gets involved with a western woman. Most likely they expect the new girlfriend/ wife is wealthy and will spend lots of money, not only on her lover, but on his family and relatives as well.

As I mentioned above, what these guys are hoping for is one of two outcomes. A western woman who will marry him, move here and buy land, house, motorbike and/or business. Or a wife who will whisk him off to her own country, a new life of luxury in the western world.

I personally know of 2 women who’ve married local guys and taken them back to Europe where they live and work. And I know one western woman who’s married a local and built a very nice boutique resort here in Amed. These are the real life cases that keep up the hopes of the beachboys, but which have left them believing that THAT is the natural normal course of things, and has made them quite demanding, actually expecting instant riches from the western women they get involved with. It has created a very strange and twisted mentality among the people of Amed, Bali.

So girls coming to Amed, Bali, beware the wolves… or enjoy finding your beachboy dream husband, as you see fit.