cycling at Khao Luang NP – Southern Thailand

6 American Habits I Will Always Keep

1. I will always enjoy solo travel and activities.

“Khun bai kon diao?!” “Anda datang sendirian?” “Jalan jalan se-orang?” are the wide-eyed questions I get every time I arrive in a new town, a new hotel, a new store or market in Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia. I get those same stunned questions from locals when I set out on a solo hike, to a movie theater, to a nearby restaurant or onward travel to another country.

“Did you come by yourself?” “Are you traveling alone?” “Are you going there solo?” (gasp!)

Well, yes I am. I enjoy it.

“Wow, you’re brave!” “Aren’t you afraid?” “Aren’t you lonely?”

Nope. I will always enjoy traveling and doing things on my own.

2. I will always appreciate my personal freedom to choose if, when and whom I marry.

“Dairng ngan lairo, reua yung?” translates in Thai as “Are you married already or not yet?”

Not Yet being the operative words, meaning that either you’re already married or you are going to be. There’s no such concept as never getting married, of staying single, especially not by desire or choice. From their perspective, every single human being gets married. Of course. Period.

That belief seems to hold true in Malaysia, Indonesian and other Asian countries I’ve traveling through extensively. For instance, Balinese are required by their Hindu religion to marry another Balinese person and produce children. In India and Japan, traditional arranged marriage systems are still used regularly to unite couples.

I can’t count the number of times locals in Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand and India have looked upon me with great pity, sadness, incomprehension or confusion when they learn I am a single woman. But, yes, that’s me – no husband, no boyfriend, no partner. Solo. By choice.

When I inform them that I don’t want to get married, their expressions turn to true disbelief or shock. That concept just turns their world upside down.

When I jokingly explain, “Sabai gua” “Kon diao dee gua” “Sendirian lebi baik, ya?” “Being single is better, more peaceful. Right?” most married women laugh, shake their heads knowingly, the light of understanding suddenly crossing their faces. They do get it, when it’s presented to them.

Hundreds of these encounters have made me greatly appreciate my freedom to make my own decisions and choices about having a partner, or not.

Balinese woman with her son – heading to ceremony

3. Speaking of personal freedom of choice, thank goodness I don’t have to have children either. Those looks of pity and bewilderment intensify greatly when local acquaintances, friends or strangers learn that I have no children. Then they become absolutely mortified when they hear that, in fact, I don’t want children. Many people simply do not believe me.

“Dichun mai yak hai dek. Mai chorp” “Saya tidak mao anak-anak. Tidak suka,” I exclaim in Thai or Indonesian.

“No, I don’t want kids. I don’t especially like them.”

After that, further explanations are always required. I plunge in… Kids are noisy. I can’t handle screaming, yelling, crying, complaining, whining. Kids run amok, cause chaos, break things, get in trouble. Children cost a lot of money. I prefer peace, quiet, tranquility.

“Who will take care of you when you get old?” is a common response. Well, heck. That’s not the reason I would have children if I did want them. That’s no reason to decide one way or the other, as far as I’m concerned.

I simply prefer peace and solitude. Thank goodness I can choose for myself.

4. I will always want my privacy while reading, writing, working online or doing personal tasks.

I’ll never get past that creepy, invasive feeling of someone standing close behind me, peering down over my shoulder, watching what I’m doing. Despite dealing with it hundreds of times in various Asian countries over the years, that nosy habit always just creeps me out.

Countless waiters at small restaurants in Amed, Bali have tried watching me balance my daily budget in my notebook. Bus passengers in southern Thailand have intently watched my DVDs on my laptop while traveling overland. Hotel guests at my long-standing hotel in Penang, Malaysia have tried watching me write articles on my computer, peering over my shoulder, reading as I work.

I ask them all to step back and ‘buzz off’ as politely as I can, letting them know I feel uncomfortable.

Despite years of immersion in Asia, I’ve never quite understood locals’ habit of prying into other peoples’ activities, often complete strangers. Apparently anything a human being does out in public is open to others’ curiosity and scrutiny.

But for this American lass, no thanks. I like my privacy, thank you very much.

sleep well

5. 5. I’ll never take kindly to being interrupted while sleeping
   

Speaking of private time and space, I will also always greatly dislike having my sleep interrupted. I need a solid eight hours of sleep per night to feel strong, healthy and rested the next day. Interrupted sleep leaves me feeling worn out, cranky, fuzzy-headed and weak.

Unfortunately for me when living and traveling in SE Asian countries, particularly in Indonesia and Thailand, it doesn’t seem to cross peoples’ minds to be quiet if someone is sleeping nearby. Why should it – they themselves don’t mind being woken up by loud noises. If they wake up at all, that is.

Most SE Asians seem to have the ability to sleep through anything at all. Roaring highway traffic, booming construction noise, wailing babies, crowing roosters. And the rare times they are woken up, the interruption doesn’t seem to bother them at all. They either simply fall back to sleep or else get up and find something to do. Forget about feeling angry at the interruption. When it comes to sleeping hours/time, they all seem very laissez faire.

happily dancing on a beach

6. I will always dress for the climate I’m in, not for the prevailing social customs.

The predominantly Muslim Malays and Indonesians wear traditional kebaya, baju kurung, baju melayu or sarongs. Younger people wear more modern adaptations or western clothes. Either way, both men and women fully cover legs and arms. Women further cover their heads and necks with colorful headdresses and scarves.

Balinese Hindus likewise cover their arms and legs, though women let their hair loose. The primarily Buddhist Thais wear sarongs, Thai-style dresses or western clothes. Like their Muslim counterparts, they also fully cover arms and legs.

And yet these countries lie in the tropics, where year-round temperatures lies between 25-35C / 75-95F. In my opinion, that is just too hot for long sleeves and head coverings. But I have tried covering up a few times, thinking that there must be something to it since everyone dresses that way in the heat. Each time, I began sweating profusely and instantly felt 10 degrees hotter.

For the most part, Thai, Malays, Indonesians, Balinese and other SE Asians choose clothes according to their religious codes, which calls for modesty in dress. That’s all well and fine.

But for me…I am not Muslim nor Hindu nor Buddhist. Nor even Christian for that matter. I have no motivation to select my clothing based on religious beliefs, and certainly not other peoples’ religious beliefs.

What makes sense to me is dressing according to the climate. If I’m in the tropics, I wear short dresses, skirts and shorts. I wear sleeveless tops and T-shirts. If it’s cold, I wear long sleeves, sweaters, jackets, even gloves, boots and a hat, if the temperature calls for it.

… in Java with Welldo at his Art Exhibition

I know some westerners may think my clothing habits are culturally insensitive. Rude. Intrusive. But my extensive experience traveling, living and working around Asia has taught me that locals aren’t offended. They generally understand that westerners dress differently. They don’t expect tourists to dress or behave the same way they do.

For myself, I’ve found that locals don’t stare me down, treat me with scorn or scoff at me. In fact, quite the opposite. As a white American woman, I’m treated with respect and reverence, whether I’m in a short skirt or long. It’s a non-issue.

That’s great for me. I’m comfortable in my western-style attire. But wait a minute – that’s not entirely true. As a matter of fact, since 1998 I’ve been buying all my short skirts, dresses, shorts, sleeveless tops and bikinis in Thailand, Malaysia and Bali. So there you go.

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